Because I've had my email address since I was seventeen years old, a lot of spammers know about it. In fact, I'm reasonably sure that every spammer knows about it--on average, I receive almost 1,000 emails a day I don't want. And because yahoo's spam filter is--how do I put this politely--relentlessly awful, I end up reading a lot of spam subject lines every day. Most of them, obviously, are dumb--but in just a few, you can see that there's a hard-working and talented writer behind the spam. And I've been wondering lately: Do particularly talented spam-subject-line authors get paid well for their work? Or do they just do it for the love of the game?

Some of my favorite recent spam subject lines:

"We never repent of having eaten too little": As it turns out, this is a quote from former President Thomas Jefferson, and I think it's very beautiful. It also makes an excellent subject line for an email about dietary supplements.

"Your Chase Account Has Been Violated": It's simple, to-the-point, and just scary enough to tempt me to click. And it's much more effective than another recent spam email I got: "Your Chase Account Has Been Violated!!!" I mean, really. Would a gigantic corporate bank really send me an email with three exclamation points in the subject line?

"Very Sad German Statistics": I was hoping this might be an offer to receive some very sad German statistics in the mail or something, but it turned out to be just another spam email for Viagra.

And finally, "Your Mother Has Always Dreamed of Having Sweet Grandkids": No doubt about it, and eloquently stated. The spammer, in fact, said it in precisely the same way that my mother has often said it to me. But I don't see what that has to do with a 3.75% interest home loan.

This morning I received a phone call from my incomparably brilliant editor, Julie Strauss-Gabel. She informed me that I had been named a winner of the Kentucky Bluegrass Awards, an award chosen by teen readers in Kentucky. Historically, Kentucky teens have done a pretty amazing job of picking my favorite books: Past winners include Walter Dean Myers' Monster, Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak, and Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones, all of which I loved.

Okay, so but anyway, I grew up in Alabama and my extended family hails from Tennessee. In short, I came of age thinking of Kentucky as our Northern rival, and so sometimes chided the place. But in lieu of this award, I feel compelled to:

OFFICIALLY RESCIND SOME STATEMENTS I HAVE MADE ABOUT KENTUCKY

1. Kentucky is not the poor man's Tennessee. It is, if anything, the rich man's Ohio.

2. Paducah is not a funny name for a town. It is a good name, and honestly, I've been to Paducah and I'd move there tomorrow morning if Sarah was not inconveniently located in Manhattan.

3. The University of Kentucky's football team is not so relentlessly horrible that I, John Green, could be their starting cornerback.

4. Racing horses is not a dumb sport.

5. Neither is grass that is blue.

In fact, I'm willing to take back almost every single complaint I ever had against Kentucky--although it will take a few more awards before I am able to forgive Kentucky for what its Early Times whiskey did to me in late 1999.

Really, Kentucky has so much to recommend it: Mammoth Cave; the world's largest baseball bat; the invention of my favorite musical genre (bluegrass); and plus if you happen to be an ingenious criminal, Fort Knox is the place to make a name for yourself. Also, Kentucky clearly has exceedingly astute teen readers. Thanks, Kentucky!

So let us sing one song for the old Kentucky home, for the old Kentucky home, far away!

p.s. Is not the myspace survey the best procrastination tool ever devised in the entire history of the Internet? That reminds me: Why aren't we myspace friends, dearest blog reader? Why dost thou spurn my myspatial advances?

p.p.s. I was about to sanctimoniously announce that when the Oxford English Dictionary includes the word "myspatial" in like 2093 or whatever, I had better get credit for it, but it turns out that I am a little late to the party.

...this daily blog has not been particularly daily in the last, oh, three months. I particularly liked my friend Dean's comment that my blog is daily like Chinese democracy is democratic. So without further adieu, some excuses for my laziness:

1. I kept meaning to start blogging every day again, but then some writing assignment would come up.

2. Also, I am getting married in just five weeks. This is extremely exciting, but it's also somewhat time-consuming.

3. I have been struggling with when, and whether, to post a picture of the cover of my new novel, An Abundance of Katherines. Do you want to see the cover? Do you promise not to hate it?

Oh, hey, that reminds me.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: You can now pre-order my new book, An Abundance of Katherines. Katherines will be published in September, but if you preorder it now, you will -- I don't know, definitely get a first edition. (Note: If you have $152.61 lying around the house, you can also buy a sweet 9-copy floor display.)