Last time's self-interview went so darn well that we're going to try it again.

Q. Hey. How's it going, fatty?
A. Look, I know I've put on ten pounds in the last month, and I know that all of those ten pounds have landed squarely in my gut. And I know I look kinda like a doughball with four sticks stuck in it. But I'm still eight pounds below my ideal weight, according to Oprah's web site.

Q. Do you find it at all interesting that you named the (very skinny) protagonist of your first novel "Pudge" and then you, a chronically skinny person, have become suddenly and inexplicably fat?
A. The thought has certainly crossed my mind. Did you know that, if things continue on their current course, I will weight 350 pounds by 2006?

Q. I'm asking the questions here, buddha belly. How's the book?
A. I think I'm writing well. But I'm not writing enough. Speaking of which, I should get back to that.