The Feuds of Young Adult Literature
(First, I mean, can I just say how very happy I am? Happy to be meeting literally thousands of nerdfighters on my tour, happy that Paper Towns has now been on the New York Times bestseller list for three weeks, happy that Barack Obama totally lived up to my weirdly prescient 2005 prediction, and etc.)
In the world of young adult literature, several long-standing feuds are bubbling up again now that election fever has passed:
First, we have the ancient rivalry between zombies and unicorns. It's no secret where I stand on this topic: Unicorns are horned beasts of suck, and zombies are awesome. Justine Larbalestier agrees with me, albeit in a much more thoughtful way. Diana Peterfreund, who I'm sure is a nice person, responded with this disgusting and despciably well-argued defense of unicorns. I'll leave the academic fight to the academics: As far as Im concerned, unicornians have no horn to stand on until a 'corn movie comes out that's as good as Shaun of the Dead.
Second, I am currently at war with the novelist Maureen Johnson. This is devastating news to me personally, because of course long-time fans will know that Maureen Johnson and I were, up until very recently, very close friends. As many of you will know, Maureen and I cowrote the book Let It Snow along with our friend Lauren Myracle (more on her in a moment).
So one day, I am signing a copy of Let It Snow for a nice young woman in New York City. It's a bright and sunny day, the very beginning of my book tour. I'm in a wonderful mood--in those innocent days, before the war with Maureen Johnson, life for me was nothing but puppies and rainbows. I turn to the title page of the book and notice that Maureen has already signed it. "That's cool," I tell the young woman. "Now you just need Lauren's signature." I look back at the book, and then I see:
Maureen Johnson has CROSSED OUT MY NAME ON THE TITLE PAGE.
Scripture tells us, "Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." So I turned the other cheek. I kindly signed the book and moved on. About five minutes later, another young woman came up to me with a copy of Let It Snow. It, too, was signed by Maureen. And again, she had crossed out my name.
Nowhere in Scripture does it say anything about what to do when someone strikes you TWICE on the right cheek. So I crossed out Maureen's name. And I have been crossing it out ever since. From mountain to valley, from sea to shining sea, I have been crisscrossing America not so much to support my new novel or to meet my wonderful readers but mostly so that I might excise Maureen's name from every title page on which it appears. What started with Let It Snow has expanded dramatically: Just last night in Louisville, Kentucky, I signed several copies of 13 Little Blue Envelopes and Suite Scarlett, crossing out Maureen's name each time. War, Maureen Johnson! War.
Finally, Lauren Myracle. Lauren has largely avoided the boiling Let It Snow feud, displaying the levelheaded neutrality for which she is so widely beloved. But Lauren and I may have a feud on our hands soon, since I have so far failed to complete her dare to "do something that terrifies me." Lauren totally completed her dare, though. I mean, LOOK.
posted by John Green @ Thursday, November 06, 2008
32 Comments
32 Comments:
Wow. Lauren Myracle is amazing. Thriller!
Ah! Exciting couple of weeks, John!
-Gillian
That's funny. In my copy of LET IT SNOW both you and Maureen's names are crossed out and next to Lauren Myracle's name there's a little smiling devil cartoon.
Go figure!
And by the way, nicely done predicting the Obama win!
I've been crossing out your name and Maureen's name randomly since the book came out.
SB Tom
Ahaha, I was wondering whether you would address Lauren's challenge at any point!
I remain in defence of Unicorns.
Also, it's bizarre because I remember finding your blog for the first time a couple of years or so ago and, incidentally, I also remember going back to read all of the posts you had made before I found the blog and have a strong recollection of reading your Obama comment and wondering who on Earth this bloke was. Now he's one of the most important people on the planet. Good call :)
I'm very happy to read that you're happy! We should never doubt the happy, along with the awesome.
A) Unicorns rock.
B) I will now draw adorable big-eyed "precious moments" unicorns next to your name AND Maureen's when I sign Let It Snow.
C) Congrats on your continuted NYT excellence!!!
D) Yeah, dude. GET ON THE DARE, ya wienie head!!!!!!
John, I finally have an opinion on the Unicorns vs. Zombies conflict. -and i promise, this story is worth reading!
Literally last night i had a dream about zombies and frankenstein. which honestly have very little difference.
I was in my house with my mom, dad, and brother, when we found out Frankenstein was on the loose. But for some reason we knew that he was coming to our house. So we began to scramble, closing all the doors-locking them-and the garage door. But then he came.
somehow he pried open the garage door, and tore the other door down. And came marching in. we were terrified. As we began to run from him, he just walked calmly like it was no big deal, as he would in any movie. Finally he got to my dad first and pressed his lips to my dads forehead and suddenly my dad began to turn the color of a bruise, yellow and grayish purple.
Soon he and Frank were chasing the rest of us, they finally reached us, and began to press their lips to our flesh. i screamed, it didn't burn but it did terrify me.
See when a frankenstein/zombie touches you with their lips your blood drains and you begin to crave the touch of someone else's skin on your lips. The redder the skin, the better the sensation. When you touch a person with blood in them, you drain the blood from that area of the skin. My father was not fully gray, so we all fed off of one another's skin.
But me, being as smart as i am. Decided i did not want this fate. So i ran upstairs, sat at the top of the stairs to try and stay away from the rest of them. I watched them, as they craved the touch of skin, and became overcome with the sensation. But always wanting more. I refused to surrender to this craving.
My skin slowly began to go back to red; the only way to defeat this is to ignore the craving. But unfortunately the rest of my family was not strong enough. As the redness from their skin began to vanish they soon decided i was the leftover blood. They came after me.
I tried to reason with them, saying, " just hold it! It will go away, you don't have to be like this!"
It seemed they couldn't here me, they were to overcome with the idea of fulfilling their thirst.
Magically a gigantic crane came into the living room, not oh wow *pop* there's a crane. but like oh, i must've just walked past it without seeing it, thats so normal. And even more lucky the controls were at the top of the stairs with me, so then i began to move it around. It moved so wistfully and calm. I first clamped down on Frank, his head snapped off, and blood began to squirt around. I felt victorious! I crushed the rest of his body, so it was just a pile of blood and guts, and occasional bones. I had to do this to the rest of my family, to protect myself. I had no option, after i pleaded and begged, there was nothing left to do but kill.
I repeated everything i did to Frank, twisted, crushed, clamped. Blood squirted everywhere. But i had to do it, i had to save anyone else from the Frankenstein and Zombies. So there was a pile of what once was my family, and Franks head on top, mouth wide open, like the Scream by Edvard Munch.
So i ran. I ran so fast to my aunts and uncles to tell them what happened. But when i got there, it was like a normal afternoon, like nothing had happend. I was in the same house, but with a different family. And i soon, forgot what i needed to warn them about.
But once again, a warning came out that Frank was back. Soon he would be in my house, again trying to transform the people i love and destroy me.
I began to panic. How could he be back? I crushed him squeezed him into a small flat sheet. Distorted and unfixable.
People down the streets were running towards their houses, trying to get safely in. I decided not to tell them, that no door or building will stop Frank from coming after you, but not to worry he is only here for me.
I ran to the garage trying to close it, it would not close. I kept pulling, and it kept going back up. My cousin was running, and i yelled "dammit it hurry up!!!" he slid in the cracks of the floor and garage door, just as it was closing. he didn't realize how much danger we were in, and i had no time to explain.
So we waited, hoping he wasn't coming, but the door began to move. I knew it was time, frank screamed "AARRGHHHH" and tore down the door, along with half the wall. It wasn't just him, he had 4 others standing behind him. He must've recruited. We ran around for a while, he chasing me, me trying to through things at him. I told my family to leave! To run, go save yourself. I can take care of this. they all ran, and it was me and Frank-and his posse- left in the house. I ran around the house, threw something, then shot out the door. i ran and ran, and looked back at my house, and then i woke up.
i don't know what else happened, or what i threw in my house. But i do know, that i would rather come into contact with a unicorn than a zombie any day!!! Unless unicorns can transform you into blood craving freaks! Unicorns can't control who drinks there blood, and can't control that they have such powerful blood. They are being treated as a mere means against there will. that is not there fault.
i hope you took the time to read that. so UNICORNS.
www.youtube.com/jessicarae7
I don't know if you saw the original website, but the way they changed it took me by surprise.
http://www.palinaspresident.us/
BlogTV is probably too late for me tonight, so if I don't catch you, the very best of wishes and have a great time!
If I send you my copy of Let It Snow , can you cross out Maureen's name?
In fact, to ensure authenticity against anyone forging your own personal style of crossing out author's names, you should get a stamp ringed in zombies: "This dramaturgical diva's name was purposely slashed by John Green with much malice and Scripture-defying satisfaction."
In regard to "take it from a Cub's fan" on the 2005 post: my school literally eruped with cries of "NEXT--THE CUBBIES!" on Wednesday. It was like seeing the Cub's seasons--hopeful, but disheartening all the same.
BRING IT, GREEN. Though I DISPUTE the circumstances that caused this war, I accept your call to arms.
I summon the powers of Awesome and will meet you anytime, anywhere. Until then, I will content myself with signing copies of Paper Towns.
But you are right about the unicorns.
1) I also defend unicorns. They may not have Shaun of the Dead, but they have Charlie.
2) John told the crossing-out-of-Maureen's-name story somewhere around 5,789,312 times while signing books in Columbus. He was obviously very irked, and I wish him the best in his endevour to remove the name "Maureen Johnson" from pages everywhere.
You should totally do that dare. Have you seen what Scott did? Dude, that was disgusting. And I have a feeling that behind that sweet exterior of Lauren's there is scariness. Have you read Bliss yet? Watch out!
John,
When you signed my "Let it Snow" book, you didn't cross out Maureen Johnson's name! I guess you got carried away from the excitment of the shirt i gave you :P
-Simon
Its so funny watching you live, and telling everybody "Maureen crosses out mine name, so I cross out hers" while everyone in the main room is getting annoyed.
I <3 you John Green and I love both zombies and unicorns more then anyone could ever understand
Well, I for one am definitely on Team Unicorn.
You're not the only one to weirdly predict we'd be hearing "President Obama" -- when the Gilmore Girls series ended a few years ago, that's where Rory Gilmore was going: to be a journalist on the road with the Obama campaign! I remember at the time thinking it was probably a made-up name.
Lauren's video was made of win.
and you didn't cross out Maureen's name when you signed my book!
I think it's safe to say that the Louisville stop on the H&JGGATdN was reasonably epic.
I find your feud with Maureen Johnson very amusing.
Maureen has a TEAM MAUREEN group on Facebook. I'm sure a TEAM JOHN group is soon to follow. Some of us don't want to be torn between the two of you, so we're remaining neutral. We are TEAM MYRACLE
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=92785940593
Maureen asked us to send you a message:
She's coming for you.
I opened up Let It Snow the day after I met you and Hank in Seattle and could not stop laughing! Maureen's name was crossed out. :)
Sorry John, I love you but I'm supporting Maureen on this one. Go Maureen! ;o)
top sekrit unicorn video to come...
yr going down, bud! and pulling zombie-lover maureensy with u...
It occurs to me that perhaps Mr. Green and Ms. Johnson may be digging their graves here (though there's little doubt in my mind that this is a tactic to more quickly transfer their vessels to zombie-dom and, therefore, comment on the unicorn vs. zombie discussion with greater authority).
At any rate, consider this:
Whose name remains unscathed on the copies of these books? Obviously Ms. Myracle and her preference for unicorns has pulled a fast one on the zombie-lovin' John Green and Maureen Johnson. I do not believe the two points mentioned in this missive to be separate feuds, but to be factions of some greater whole.
~ Gregory
make peace w/ maureen. don't fight fire w/ fire. could i put it more simply, or do i have to draw you a diagram?
I think this has been mentioned already, but I'd like to expand upon this point. Unicorns represent peace, purity, love, etc. Lauren, who is the only one supporting unicorns, is also the only one who's name has not been crossed off. I think that proves that unicorns triumph, and always shall. Besides, they can run the zombies down with their horns like a knight with a lance.
~Kim
I met you in Boston and you signed my copy of Let It Snow, but you did not cross out Maureen's name.
Was there a reason for this or did you just forget about the war?
Dun, dun, dun!
Long Live Unicorns
-The rookie writer
^_^
Those crossed out books must be something.
Why can't you live in a world where zombies ride unicorns and just get along? ;_;
"horned beasts of suck"
this is my new favourite saying.
keep it coming!
Okay, in response to the Unicorn thing: Unicorns did not kill Tonks! Voldemort's drinking of Unicorns' blood was so that he could be strong enough to possess Professor Quirrel and drink the elixir of life. Unicorns' blood was not keeping him alive. All of his horcruxes were keeping him alive. Unicorn's blood was just making him feel a little better. Think of it as an evil version of tylenol. Therefore unicorns are not responsible for the death of Tonks.
I can't believe I'm the first to say this:
ZOMBIE UNICORNS!!!!!!!!
that is all.
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