In response to yesterday's post in which I outlined non-writing careers I fantasize about, my longtime friend Sean Titone commented that Professional Poker Player should certainly make my top 10 list. And so it should. Sorry, Fireman.

I also got a couple comments asking what my specialty would be if I were to be a professsional eater. Ideally, of course, I'd like to be a generalist along the lines of Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas (whom, as I'm sure you know, is the 105-pound woman who once ate 8 pounds of sausage in 10 minutes). Thomas holds records in everything from fried okra to cheesecake.

But I probably wouldn't be as good at professional eating as Thomas is, so it makes sense that I would specialize in an attempt to narrowly define my audience (competitive eating specialization is the equivalent, I think, of writing for teenagers instead of for everyone). So I think I'd pick butter. I really like butter (it is delicious) and the world record for butter-eating is 7 sticks in 5 minutes, which I think is totally doable. I mean, that's only 1.75 pounds of butter. Easy money, baby.