Sarah and I are moving (back) to New York, so we are going to be driving a hilariously overstuffed rental car for the next two days. Then I will be flying (back) to Chicago, to continue the medieval torture that is modern oral surgery for another week.

But before I go, one thing: I HAVE FOUND A MORTAL ENEMY! Woo hoo. My mortal enemy's name is D. Brown. I don't know anything else about him/her, but s/he wrote a mean review of Looking for Alaska (the first, amazingly, the book has gotten on any book-buying web site) yesterday:

"In brief, I find Green's novel flippant and explicit in its treatment of adolescent sexuality and substance abuse, transparently designed to titillate adolescent boys, and both egregious and hypocritical in its objectification of young women. Stay away."

(By the way, if I wanted to 'titillate' [which is a hilarious word] adolescent boys, why would I have written the least erotic, most utterly failed, most horribly unpleasant blow job scene in the history of young adult literature? If you found one moment of that scene titillating, D. Brown, you are truly a disgusting pervert.)

Now the question: Who is D. Brown? Could it be Dan Brown, author of The Da Vinci Code? If so, I'm honored he read and hated my book, since I have read and hated his. If not, I look forward to reading D. Brown's books so that I can trash them in print. The war begins, sir! Or possibly ma'am!

Anyway, the blogging will be spotty for the next week or so, but then I'll return to form, hopefully pain-free. Anyway, how can you miss me if I never leave?