Voting Irregularities
The last time I updated this blog, back in the halcyon days of September 2004, we were a month and a half away from a presidential election that promised to send a Massachusetts liberal to the White House, a Massachusetts liberal who inspired me to vote for the very first time in my life.
I realize this is a bit dated, but stay with me: So on November 2nd, I woke up early and walked three blocks to my polling place, and I stood in line feeling very nervous because I had never voted before and I usually find a way to screw these things up. Here in the Land of Lincoln, we still use punch-card ballots, because 1. if it was good enough for Lincoln, it's good enough for us, and 2. they make it easier for the dead to vote.
So I stood at my little booth sweating bullets, and punched my stylus through the appropriate holes for John "It's Hard to Unseat a Wartime President" Kerry for president and Barack "Our Next President" Obama for U. S. Senate, and then I flipped to the next page.
But then I got very nervous, so I pulled out my punchcard to make sure I'd punched the right holes. And it turns out that, like an elderly resident of Palm Beach Count in 2000, I had punched the wrong holes completely.
Now, one thing I should say right now is that I live in the 20th precinct of the 47th ward of Chicago. To say that my precinct is reliably Democratic is to understate the matter dramatically. 80% of people in the 20th voted for John Kerry, and the remaining 20% were either kidding or voted for Bush by accident.
Which is exactly what happened to me. I'd just cast the first vote of my life for George W. Bush. And since I was very nervous and generally flustered and didn't know what to do, I sort of panicked. I held up my ballot and said, rather too loudly, "I JUST VOTED FOR GEORGE BUSH BY ACCIDENT! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!"
It turns out that if you vote for the wrong guy by accident, they let you vote again, but you have to go to the "Corrections Booth," which is the voting equivalent of the dunce cap. So I stood at the Corrections Booth, and I voted for all the people I wanted to vote for, and I voted for all the measures that would increase my taxes because I love taxes and think they get a bad rap.
And then the system worked: My guy lost; my beloved taxes were voted down. The last few months, a lot of people have blamed it on vote fraud, on the big media conglomerates lying to the people, on the Republicans' hijacking of the term "moral values" to appear populist. Maybe, but I tend to think it's simpler than that: We elected, narrowly, a bad President. That's been happening off and on since the beginning of our noble experiment (Dick Nixon, Warren Harding, and James Buchanan, to name but a few).
Take it from a Cubs fan: We'll get 'em in 2008.
7 Comments:
Hi John,
I am a nerdfighter who just discovered your blog and decided to poke around in the archives. Don't know if you'll ever see this, but I found this post really, really funny - especially the part about you shouting that you voted for Bush.
I don't know whether or not you felt this way when you were writing these entries, but it seems obvious to me that you were to become a great writer.
Cheers,
Candy
"So I stood at my little booth sweating bullets, and punched my stylus through the appropriate holes for John "It's Hard to Unseat a Wartime President" Kerry for president and Barack "Our Next President" Obama for U. S. Senate, and then I flipped to the next page."
How appropriate. Well placed prediction.
DFTBA
Annie
www.youtube.com/user/AnnieSez21
I have to agree with Annie. Well done with the Obama prediction. Quite cool actually.
Anywho, I'm going through some of these old blogs as well, and it's really neat to see how grounded you still are. It's quite inspiring.
Best Wishes,
Cassie a.k.a. Malina Rana
Oh man.
I voted for the first time this election, and I definitely feel your embarrassment!
You probably won't ever read this, but I simply can't bring myself to post this anywhere else.
So I go to the polling place, about an hour before polls close, and I was already immediately overwhelmed by the amount of old people there, but that is beside the point. I register to vote, they give me my ballot, and I go to the appropriate booth.
Maybe it was just me... but that ballot was wildly confusing! I didn't know there were like... 10 people running for president. Is there really a Rastafarian party? Maybe I shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Anyway, so I connect the lines for all the people I wanted to vote for, and put my ballot into the machine. Instead of getting the green light, it spits my ballot back out. An old man came to help me and said the machine said I voted for two presidents. HAHAH. Oh god.
So, I too had to fill out another ballot at the voting equivalent of the dunce cap booth.
How embarrassing. Glad to know I'm not alone. :)
Anyways, I'll see you John this Saturday in Racine! I'm looking forward to it! :)
"We'll get 'em in 2008."
...and we did, didn't we?
*grins wildly, still thrilled after all these weeks*
So I stood at my little booth sweating bullets, and punched my stylus through the appropriate holes for John "It's Hard to Unseat a Wartime President" Kerry for president and Barack "Our Next President" Obama for U. S. Senate, and then I flipped to the next page.
Very scary, John
Perhaps the scarier being all these people going back and reading stuff you wrote up to five years ago
I am one of those scary people reading your archives, as I have only recently read your brilliant novels after hearing about them for so long. Loved this post. Great prediction, and I'm thrilled and relieved it came true!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home