Survey

Because I'm sick on a Sunday night. (Chosen randomly. If you have better surveys, send me links in comments. Also post links to your responses.)

1. What's your name?
John. So far this is hard.

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
A pair of jeans and a nerdfighter t-shirt. (My current favorite.)

3. Last thing you ate?
Well, I always end up eating at least a little toothpaste. It's delicious, and plus it prevents my stomach from getting cavities. So, toothpaste.

4. One place you will NEVER eat at?
Well, my grandma taught me never to say never, but it seems very unlikely I will ever eat at Hardee's.

5. I say Shotgun, you say:
"Take it." I actually preferred the backseat of the minivan in which Hank and Katherine and I spent the last three weeks.

6. Last person you hugged?
Sarah

7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
I'm beginning to feel like this survey is not targeted at my demographic. It's almost as if married men in their thirties aren't supposed to fill out online surveys.

8. Would you date anyone you met online?
Well, not anymore obviously, but I did date people I met online, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

9. Name something you like physically about yourself:
I am not unhappy with my height.

10. The last place you went out to dinner to?
The Fiddlin' Pig in Asheville, North Carolina. (Really.)

11. Who is your best friend?
Sarah

12. What time of the day is it?
10:45 PM

13. Who/What made you angry today?
We drove back to Indiana from Asheville today, and there were a few moments in which I failed to imagine other drivers with adequate complexity.

14. Baseball or Football?
I love the Cubs, but football. Specifically the University of Alabama Crimson Tide.



(The above video answers the age-old question: How can one rhyme "hammer" and "Alabama.")

15. Ever gone skinny dipping?
I have.

16. Favorite type of Food?
Sushi.

17. Favorite holiday:
I'm not a huge fan of holidays. I do like Good Friday.

18. Do you download music:
Not illegally, no.

19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
Yes. But, I mean, there are degrees of care.

20. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?
I find nothing inherently objectionable about them.

21. Would you date the person who posted this?
Um, I am posting it. Are you asking me if I would date myself? Probably not, since the only thing I could come up with that I found physically satisfactory about myself was "height." Frankly, I think I can do better.

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Yes.

23. Do you love anyone?
I do.

24. Are colored contact lenses sexy?
They are Uglies sexy, sure. But my favorite kind of sexy is real-eyed sexy.

25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. More on this tomorrow.

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
Yes. Terrifying.

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you
No.

28. How many pets do you have?
Oh, I think just the one is sufficient.

29. Have you met a real redneck?
I'm not crazy about the word redneck, but I certainly have friends who would describe themselves as rednecks.

30. How is the weather right now?
Pretty freaking cold.

31. What are you listening to right now?
Cars in the distance--the kind that far enough away so as to have everybody's dreams on board.

32. What is your current favorite song?
"Cubs in Five," by The Mountain Goats

33. What was the last movie you watched?
Ironman. (not bad!)

34. Do you wear contacts?
No.

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Well I spent most of today inside the car.

36. What are you afraid of?
Heights. More on that tomorrow.

37. How many piercings have you had?
None. Piercings scare me. More on that tomorrow, too.

38. What piercings do you want?
None.

39. What's one thing you've learned this year?
Nerdfighters make book tours fun.

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Water.

41. What Magazines are you reading?
I read The New Yorker and The Economist. (I grow old. I grow old. I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.)

42. Have you ever fired a gun:
Yes.

43. Are you missing someone?
I think that is the nature of our condition, yeah.

44. Favorite TV show?
30 Rock.

45. Do you have an obession with WoW?
I do not. I am somewhat interested in the idea of WoW, but I don't actually enjoy playing it. I don't want my video games to be hard. I don't want them to require the full measure of my meager intelletual talent. I want to drive a racecar in a circle until my brain freezes.

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
It's been awhile.

47. What celeb do you look like?
Like, what if instead of becoming Neal Patrick Harris, Doogie Howser had put on some weight and didn't have great posture and spent most of his time typing?

48. Who would you like to see right now?
Wait, I can see anyone? Do they have to be living? That's a very open-ended question. In what context can I see them? Can I travel back in time to see them, or do I have to see them on my home turf? Is it possible to see them for an extended period of time--like, say, to watch the entire writing of Hamlet--or is this just going to be a brief meeting?

Actually, I'm just going to pick Shakespeare regardless and hope for the best.

49. Favorite movie of all time?
Rushmore is probably my favorite movie; the movie that most positively affected my life was Harvey. "Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, 'In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.'"

50. Do you find yourself loved?
I do, yes.

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
Yes.

52. Favorite smell?
Anything that smells like something in the past I can almost remember.

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
Plain.

54. What's something that really bugs you?
The general inability we all have to understand that what bugs us about other people is very often what bugs other people about us. (I'm looking at you, people who say that Holden Caulfield is self-involved.)

55. Do you like Michael Jackson?
I would feel sorry for Michael Jackson, but I try to devote most of my feeling-sorry-for-people-other-than-myself energy to people who don't have tens of millions of dollars.

56. Taco Bell or Burger King?
That's a race to the bottom. Taco Bell, I guess.

57. What's your favorite perfume?
White Musk from the body shop, if I'm being totally honest. I don't know why. It got its claws into me in eighth grade and never let go.

58. Favorite baseball team?
The Chicago Cubs.

59. Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
No.

60. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
About 35 hours.

61. Last time you went bowling?
I used to bowl so much I had my own ball and shoes. Now I only go a couple times a year.

62. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Like spent-the-night sleeping? Driver's seat of a Ford Thunderbird in a biker bar parking lot 50 miles south of Fairbanks, Alaska.

63. Who was your last phone call?
Let me look at my phone. My mom.

64. Last time you were at work?
That all depends on how you define "at" and "work."

65. What's the closest orange object to you?
My orange suitcase. That thing is always closer to me than I'd like.